Issue 5: “What Kind of Conversation Is This?” – A Simple Way to Support Your Son During the Leaving Cert Countdown
As the Leaving Cert approaches, it’s only natural that stress levels rise for both students and their families. Parents often want to help but aren’t sure how. Should you encourage, give advice, stay quiet, or step in? Sometimes, well-meaning words land the wrong way.
One powerful shift is to begin any emotional conversation with this simple question in mind:
“What kind of conversation is this?”
When your son comes to you upset, quiet, snappy, or overwhelmed, pause for a moment before reacting. Instead, ask gently:
- Do you want help right now?
(They’re looking for a solution, a plan, or a clear next step.)
- Do you want to be heard?
(They just need you to listen, nod, and make space for their thoughts.)
- Do you need a hug or comfort?
(They’re looking for reassurance, closeness, and to know you’re in their corner.)
This doesn’t need to be asked in a formal way every time. It’s most helpful in those emotional or high-pressure moments when you’re unsure what your teen needs from you. A simple check-in like “What would help most right now?” or “Do you want to vent, or do you want ideas?” can make all the difference.
Why This Matters Now
The final weeks before exams can feel intense not just because of study pressure, but because so much is unknown. Your son is managing school, self-image, expectations, comparison, and fear of failure. Sometimes he may lash out or go silent not because he doesn't care, but because he cares too much and doesn't know how to handle the pressure.
As a parent, your calm presence is more powerful than perfect words.
And remember — you’re under pressure too. This is a big emotional stretch for families. You’re holding space, encouraging routines, sometimes absorbing moods, and trying to keep everyone afloat. So give yourself the same grace: pause, breathe, and check in with what you need too.
A New Kind of Support Conversation
Instead of:
“You should really be studying right now.”
Try:
“I can see you're finding it hard today. Do you want to talk about it, or just take a break for a bit?”
Instead of:
“You’ll be fine. Just do your best.”
Try:
“What kind of support would help right now — talking it through, planning out the week, or just chilling together for a few minutes?”
Final Thought
The best conversations don’t always have answers. They have a connection. By simply asking, “What kind of conversation is this?” you give your son the gift of choosing how he wants to be supported. That small act can make all the difference for both of you.
Compiled Career Guidance Department at High School Clonmel